This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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