I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
