It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have fence marks all over my body
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
