I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
