He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
