Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
birth control should be required to get into college
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
