haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When are your genitals available?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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