i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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