i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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