they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
