ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
