How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
