dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
