I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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