ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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