I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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