i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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