that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
