He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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