I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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