omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
