i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
