i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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