I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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