haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it glows. i had to have it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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