The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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