I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
