my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
