so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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