worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
