I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
