I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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