they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
