I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
