The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
