He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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