I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
