dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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