think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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