Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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