my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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