That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
