i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
