I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
