Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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