Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
