I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
