Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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