U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wish my penis had a tongue
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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