some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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