Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
