OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
