i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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