As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
