now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
