Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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