yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
