Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
