mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
