and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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