thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
