sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize