Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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