Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
