maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
