if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I AM VODKA MAN
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
