Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
