Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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