i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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