hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
