My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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